Written by Julianna Bonnett
Being a woman is HARD. Not only do we deal with skyrocketing emotions, around 450 periods in our lifetime, bearing children, but we’re also conditioned from an early age that we have to fit in with society’s beauty standards, all along with having to portray ourselves as one of those really “chill chicks” like the ones you see in the movie’s that don’t give a fuck about what anyone says. Problem is, many women become competitive with one another and I’m not talking about competing in sports, I’m talking about competing over everything. Who has the best makeup? Best outfits? Cutest relationship? Best career?
Listen, we all struggle with jealously from time to time and trust me I get it, but the hard bit is being able to look at it with a cool, rational head so that you can wiggle out of its grasp before it starts to suffocate you and eat you alive. It sounds dramatic but you would be surprised by how much jealously and being envious over someone can really damage your mental health and overall well-being.
Of course, we can be jealous about a numerous amount of things but for the purpose of this article, I’m going to focus on the most potentially damaging kind, which is being jealous of other women. As a woman, jealously is deep rooted within me, but after analyzing why I’m jealous of other women, I came to the core realization that it had nothing to do with them and everything to do with me, so buckle up and get ready for the ride, you might learn a thing or two.
1)Recognize what is driving your jealously
It seems like such a simple thing to do but you would be surprised by how many women would rather not analyze and figure out why they feel a type of way towards other women. Chances are there are some parts of yourself that you don’t like and your jealously towards other women is your way of projecting your own insecurities onto them. If you’re anything like me, sometimes you can lose yourself in the Instagram rabbit hole and become annoyingly obsessed with following those flawless, perfect girls who seem to have it all together. This is one of the most poisonous things I did to myself, and nothing against those women, cause it fully highlighted in me what I needed to work on, which was practicing self-love and improving my self-esteem so I could come to realization that not everything online is what is seems.
2)Think about all the things you do have
Being negative is so flippen easy. I mean, studies show that it takes six muscles to frown and a whopping 12 muscles to smile. It’s a lot of work but if you keep reminding yourself every day that there is something or someone out there that you are grateful for, I guarantee it will help you look at life a little bit easier. It’s very easy to get wrapped up in all the negative and continuing to project your fears into the future but we tend to forget that the best way to live is to think in the present moment and in the present moment, most things are ok.
These are some of the things that I find beneficial when it comes to realizing that those girls who looked like they have it going on, are most likely struggling with the same thing I struggle with. Learning how to be kind to one another is the best way to live a happier and healthier life, filled with many adventures and tons of laughs.
Written by Julianna Bonnett
In social media's dazzling world, today's youth usually live their lives through an online audience. With younger people, getting 'likes' on photos, posts, or comments in the virtual world can bring a powerful sense of accomplishment and community acceptance.
Visual platforms like Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and Snapchat deliver the tools that allow teens to feel a need for a certain approval for their appearance. According to a recent study done by Time Magazine, the ones who spent most of their time posting and commenting content on their social media accounts are the individuals that are driven to more acceptance from their peers.
Many studies have shown that a collection of people believe their self-worth is through their appearance and not from tangible things like brain and personality. With the digital age being at its highest, the Internet has become a great democratizer.
If wanted, anyone can alter themselves to look like someone else. Individuals can cover up pimples using a simple airbrushing tool, whiten teeth, shape their faces, and completely change their appearance with the swipe of a finger. Curating their image to become something hotter, thinner, and prettier in their eyes. This mindset applies an illustration of control, a thought thinking, "If I do this, I will feel beautiful and be more socially accepted." At the end of the day, though, a 'like' or being 'ranked' and feeling insecure becomes a blurred thought in mind.
Social media has become a negative social outlet for young teens. According to Eating Disorder Hope, some social media can influence eating disorders with the overwhelming amount of social media aspects on how you should look.
On average, in Canada, it is said that three percent of women are affected by an eating disorder once in their lifetime.
To learn more about how you can help someone struggling with an eating disorder, check out local non-profit BANA (Bulimia, Anorexia, Nervosa Association).
Since 1983, BANA has been committed to providing the Windsor-Essex area with specialized treatment, education and support services for individuals affected directly and indirectly by eating disorders.
Written by a F.A.B.U Contributor
Some people find it hard to be single. You might know someone who jumps into another relationship right after their last one ended.
Meanwhile, others find it hard to jump back into the dating pool after being single for a long time. When you are single for a long time, you develop many self-sufficiency skills and get used to your independence. You learn to appreciate your own company and learn to become more reliant on yourself instead of relying on your partner.
As more time passes, you find yourself developing new routines of how you work by yourself and sometimes, it’s hard to find the motivation to put yourself out there.
In some ways, being single might feel better. Bella DePaulo, a psychologist at the University of California Santa Barbara, even mentions that being single can scientifically improve your life compared to those who aren’t.
There’s also that sense of comfort. You become comfortable with your sense of solitude and the freedoms that come along with it. You’re comfortable with your work, your relationship with friends and family and with how you relax after a long day. With that comfort, you might find it hard to start dating because you’re unsure of how to squeeze another person into your life or worry about how they will fit with your routine.
When you’ve been single for a long time, you get a better sense of self, along with maturity and self-reliance. In the long run, this will help you build a mature relationship.
When it comes to finding the right partner, this sense of self will ultimately lead to healthy boundaries in your relationship. It will help you understand how you are as an individual and how you work as a partner.
So, take the time you need to be single. When you are ready to jump into the dating game, figuring out who you are will help give you a clear understanding of who you are looking for in a partner.
And if you want to stay single, that works just as well.
Written by Julianna Bonnett
It's officially February, and there's no running from it; Valentine's Day is right around the corner.
For some people, Valentine's Day is a fun day to celebrate and spread love to your friends, family and significant other, but for some, Valentine's Day is just another day.
Contrary to what romantic comedies, shows, and advertisements tell us, Valentine's Day isn't all that great. It is probably the most useless holiday that we celebrate in today's society. Thinking about Valentine's Day as a young girl, it brought me excitement, knowing that I would come to school and get a bunch of cards on my desk mixed with some chocolates and maybe an anonymous note from a potential crush. But when you get older, high expectations surround this "sweet" holiday, from getting the perfect gifts to fancy dinners to impressing your significant other in many materialist ways.
Think about it, as pictures of happy couples start to flood your social media feeds, it can be easy to question your own relationship with your significant other. You might begin to wonder how your relationship can compare to these seemingly picture-perfect ones. Or if you are single, seeing this can make you feel worthless and like you will never be worthy of falling in love. This mentality can be destructive and/or misleading.
On top of that, Valentine's Day can be a huge waste of time and money. Some people go to great lengths and spend tons of money on presents for their significant others. According to loanscanada.ca, each year, Canadians spend $37 million on average on the 14th of February. If you have a significant other, remember there is a lot you can do without breaking the bank and can still provide someone with a somewhat unconventional Valentine's Day experience.
Whether you are in a relationship or not, buying presents and spoiling someone can happen on any day spontaneously; it doesn't have to be on Valentine's Day that you do something special.
It shouldn't be the only day reserved for love and spoiling each other; doing that can take away from daily practices of love and appreciation.
I guess what I'm trying to say for this Valentine's Day is, single or not, focus on doing what makes you happy without potentially putting yourself in the negatives just to make someone or yourself happy.
Happiness and love shouldn't be surrounded and focused on spending the most on someone; it should be about what your values are, your purpose and what brings you happiness. When you're in love, you'll know. You won't feel the need to spend so much money and post about it daily to show your followers how you feel.