There are things that we say or specific questions we ask others because they are common. But, little do some people know is that certain things you say or ask are actually a bit intrusive or simply passive-aggressive.
The following is a list of things that are everyday things you might hear but should stop asking or saying to people.
"You've put on some weight", or "You're looking skinny".
It's one thing to notice when someone looks different, but it's another to go out of your way to comment directly to the person who looks tubbier or point out how thin they are.
A comment like this could make someone feel uncomfortable or self-conscious.
In addition, you don't know what the other person is going through. For example, they might have a disorder or a condition that makes their weight fluctuate.
“You look tired.”
Again, saying someone looks tired can also make someone self-conscious. Maybe there's a reason for their lack of rest? Perhaps they don't need to hear it from others?
"That's a stupid idea."We all heard of the expression: "There's no such thing as stupid ideas." Well, it's true.
If someone comes up with an idea at work or discusses something to do, instead of shooting down the idea, why not take it as a jumping-off point and expand on it to make it better? Maybe there's a better idea hiding in there?
"Whose fault is that?"Saying this to someone after they make a mistake is not helpful.
You're not only putting the entire blame on that person for doing something wrong, but in a way, you're rubbing it in their face. Asking "well, whose fault is that?" has the undertone that you knew they would fail, and now they proved you right.
Instead, try to help solve the problem.
“Boys will be boys”
This is another common and outdated phrase. When boys get into fights or do something irresponsible, this phrase justifies their aggressive behaviour. Instead of brushing it off, teach boys that certain behaviours are not ok and hold them accountable.
“You should smile more.”
You don't need to smile to make others comfortable - plain and simple.
“When are you going to get married/have kids/start dating?”
Asking this is a little intrusive. Everyone's life is different. For example, it might take longer for some people to hit certain milestones.
Not only that, but they may have personal reasons why they don't have kids, aren't getting married, etc. With the current state of the economy, people are having a hard time buying houses, paying for weddings and having kids compared to how things used to be.
Everyone has their own journey, and it's not a race.
And "Keep My Name Out of Your Mouth".
This phrase is now associated with Will Smith when he infamously slapped Chris Rock at the 2022 Oscars ceremony, but it's also something people say right when they are about to fight. It's usually a very egotistical thing to say, and like the slap, we should stop talking about it.
Have you ever been asked about your body count?
Body count refers to the number of kills you've gotten in a video game or even a movie, but in recent years, the term is being used to describe how many people you have slept with.
Overall, on Tik Tok the hashtag #bodycount has over 289 million views. So as much as knowing how many people you've banged shouldn't be a thing, it really is a thing that people really care now to know.
But why are we so obsessed with how many people others have had sex with? Does having a low or high number really say something about who we are as a person? Or are we really just out here judging one another?
At the most basic level, let's be honest, humans are curious about other humans. We're interested in their private lives and deepest (and sometimes darkest) secrets. But really, it doesn't matter how many people you've slept with; what matters is truly who you are as a person.
But unfortunately, depending on your answer, there will always be judgment about how many people someone has slept with. You're either labeled dirty or a prude and there is no way to eliminate the judgment that comes with either. So you might as well have fun and enjoy what you can in life and don't let people's judgment about you get in the way of you having fun, as long as you're safe.
Some people have a clear sense of their sexuality and who they are, and labelling their sexual orientation (whether it be straight, gay, bi, queer, etc.) is not an issue.
But some might not want to choose to label their sexuality. Sexuality is complex, and it can change from person to person.
What if you consider yourself straight, but you feel a special attraction to someone of the same sex/gender? Do you have to label yourself as bisexual now because of this same-sex attraction you never experienced before?
Labels are mainly used as a way to categorise people quickly. Yet, for some reason, when it comes to queer people, society expects an explanation once they learn of someone's sexuality.
An article from Shifting Her Experience mentions that :
"A frequent problem we see time and time again with labels is having to constantly "explain ourselves." We've been asked about our sexual history...if we had boyfriends before, what age we knew we were gay, and ... if we ever had threesomes since we are bisexual...we don't have to explain ourselves because we are gay."
Humans are constantly evolving and changing. You are not the same person you were five or ten years ago. The best part of the human experience is continuously discovering new things about ourselves. We can go our whole lives being "straight" or "gay", but does a new attraction deserve a new label for you?
If we have a clear idea of our sexuality and how we want to be identified, we are free to share it with other people, but it shouldn't be required.
As the letters of the 2SLGBTQIA+ become more inclusive by adding new definitions that span the broad spectrum of human sexuality, it's clear that some people cannot be labelled. The relationships between two consenting adults can be diverse and fluid, and sexuality can become more complex when it comes to gender identity.
Non-binary writer Suzannah Weiss explained it best:
"Most popular conceptions of sexual orientation seem to assume that everybody is attracted either to people who have penises and identify as men or people who have vaginas and identify as women. But trans and non-binary people call these assumptions into question: should sexual orientation be defined by your partners' identities or body parts? If your partner is non-binary, what orientation is that?
As a non-binary person, it's impossible to say if I like the "same" or "opposite" gender. Would "straight" for me mean only sleeping with non-binary people? The whole concept becomes almost nonsensical after a certain point. It just doesn't make sense to squeeze myself into this limiting definition."
You never know who you'll be attracted to. You might identify one way, but that can always change. Likewise, you don't know who the universe will put into your life or who your soulmate might be.
Overall, you know who you are, and not everything deserves an explanation. Whether you choose to label yourself or not, it's nobody's business but your own.
Do you ever feel trapped?
Like you’re being suffocated and weighed down by an undeniable force? No matter what you do, the pressure is relentless in weighing you down and even doing the simplest task gives you a knotted heaviness in your stomach?
If this sounds similar, you’re probably experiencing what many like to call “Being Trapped In Your Mind.”
At some time in your life, you’ve probably faced this issue, and with this month being Mental Health Awareness Month, we want to focus on issues that surround people’s daily issues.
Here are some tips that could help you if you’re feeling trapped in your head.
1. Write out all of your thoughts.
It seems simple and maybe silly but writing out your thoughts, almost like keeping a diary, will help you sort through your thoughts, and once written down, you might find you’re no longer dwelling on them.
2. Find simple little tasks that help you focus on yourself.
For me, I close my eyes and take deep breaths. This will allow you to focus on the inner feelings that you need to feel full.
3. If it’s a situation that is overwhelming you, subtract yourself from the problem.
Maybe you got into a fight with your parents or the people around you are triggering you, the best resolution is to step away from the situation to get more of a clear mind. Say to them I’m going for a walk, and we can talk more later. At the end of the day, your mental health should always come first.
4. Getting outside and breathing in the fresh air is always helpful.
Nature is simplistic and can add a calming element to our everyday lives. Connecting with nature and seeing everything going on around, you will make a massive shift in your mindset. Just stepping outside and seeing how beautiful the world is can change your perspective on everything you do.
6. Find a better outlet.
Often, when people get overwhelmed, they turn to something to distract themselves, but it might not be a healthy way to deal with things. Try channeling all the energy you’re wasting on overthinking and stressing into something healthy like working out, cooking, writing or something that will essentially help you grow.
7. Always remind yourself of the good things in your life and how far you’ve come.
Most people who have been struggling get so trapped in their current mindset that they cannot realize the amount of growth they have made within themselves in the last couple of years. Yes, the past can be a daunting thing to think about, but being in the present moment and focusing on the now rather than on the past or the future will be a massive game-changer in helping your mental health.
It’s not easy to go from being trapped in your mind to being carefree and open to new possibilities. Still, the critical thing to remember is that you are in control of your mind and that relentless force that is weighing you down is something that you can eliminate now from your life once you start working on what’s important to you.
If you or a friend is struggling with their mental health, please find the information below:
Mother’s Day is a day where people celebrate and reflect on all of the amazing memories and things that they have gotten from their mothers. Let’s be honest, one simple day isn’t enough, but you should take this one day to celebrate and love the significant parental figure in your life and all that they’ve done for you.
For me, I don’t think an article will ever be able to give justice to what my mother has taught me about life, love, music, and being a kind person. Even though there have been many times that I have challenged my mom on many things, she has always been right and has and always will be the rock of my family.
I've learned a lot from her, but there are some main things that stick out when it comes to the lessons she has taught me.
2. Life is too short
Just like others, I have seen my mom go through her fair share of pain and heartbreak. Seeing her go through it, it helped me realize that life is very short and can be taken away from us at any point. Besides worrying about the bills, the debt, and the everyday struggles we have, it’s important to live.
3. Who cares what anyone thinks of you
My mother is a firm believer in being truly authentic to herself. It was always inspirational to me when I was a kid to see the way my mom talked to people. With such confidence and knowledge, she has always known the respect she deserved and has never held back from being honest with anyone about how she feels. That is something now in my adult years that I have developed, being real and authentic to how I feel about myself and the respect I know I deserve.
4. Music can change your whole day
Music has always been a love of mine and I believe that has to do with both my parents but mainly my mother. Her taste in music is everywhere, from hip hop to R&B, to jazz, and the 80’s rock, she is all ears when it comes to a good beat. On every road trip we had as a family, we always listened to the best music and no matter what was happening for my mom that day, the music always seemed to distract her and put her in a good mood, and now, it does the same thing for my sister and I.
5. Surround yourself with people who value you
This has been a hard one for me to get a handle on, and honestly, I still don’t have a handle on it. My mom always tells me the truth when it comes to the people around me. If she doesn’t like someone, I always know just from her body language and facial expressions. She’s right for one that I should surround myself with people that care about me as much as I do and stick my neck out for those who would do the same for me.
There are so many more lessons I could write about, but if I was to do that, then this would be a full book. Be thankful each and every day for your mother, or for the woman in your life that feels like a mother to you, they are unique in your journey of life and all they want for you is to see you happy and growing.